Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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