somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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