last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
