I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
