Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
