wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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