I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
