I am puke
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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