TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
