See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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