I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
