So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
