Fine. I'll sleep in my office
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
