just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
