I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
