The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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