One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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