I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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