yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
