I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
