im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
