I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize