so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
