he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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