Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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