So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
