Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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