you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
