I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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