I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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