Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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