just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize