I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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