he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
