He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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