Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
