So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
