i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
