So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
