I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
