dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
