I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
