so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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