Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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