last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
