Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
