Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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