who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize