i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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