i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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