So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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