My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
