Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
