sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
