not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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