I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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