Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
