ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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