no, he came in my armpit
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
