no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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