I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
