P.S. I can't hear my feet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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