are you so shy because you have an std?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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