tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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