well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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