I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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