yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
