The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
