1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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