we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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