i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
