id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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