I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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