i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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