forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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