You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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