Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
