Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
