Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
