i can't believe i had my finger in that
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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