Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
