I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
