I wish I could teleport
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
