Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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