I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
