Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hippo gnu deer
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I love you. Go after that dick
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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