More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
