he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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