you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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