Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
