Four minutes until I can fart!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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