So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
